It was a Friday, and like most people, I was soooo ready for the weekend. Usually, I’d bring a bit of work home from the office, but at least it was my choice when to do it, you know? 

I loved the idea of doing absolutely nothing over the weekend. I’m all about relaxing and avoiding a million and one things to do, if possible. Back when the kids were little and had sports, our weekends were packed but in a fun way. But as they got older and more independent, suddenly, I had the freedom to choose how I spent my time, and let me tell you—*that* was exciting! My perfect weekend? Catching up with friends or family, watching whatever was new on Netflix, and just hanging out. Some people would call that boring, but I loved my downtime.

But here’s the thing—this one Friday morning, as I was getting ready for work, I felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I wasn’t looking forward to the weekend or even finishing up the workday. It was strange, but I shrugged it off and went about my day.

Fast-forward to a month later: I was at home cleaning, and that same weird feeling hit me again, only this time it was stronger. And—okay, this is going to sound weird—I used to love cleaning. I know, strange, right? But now, it felt like just another thing on my to-do list that I was starting to resent. What used to feel satisfying, having a clean house now felt like a total drag.

By the time dinner rolled around, I was in a foul mood, and then I felt guilty for being so cranky because, really, what did I have to complain about? I had a great life—a successful career, a loving husband, awesome kids, a nice house. Yet, here I was, feeling…*blah*. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back now, that was the beginning of burnout for me. It blew my mind because I always thought burnout was something that happened to people who were struggling or not doing well, not people who had it all together. I didn’t get it then, but now I know burnout can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter how successful you are or how good things look on the outside.

So, I started digging into what causes burnout, especially for women like us. And wow, I learned a lot that I think could help others who might be feeling the same way.

So why does burnout happen, even to successful women?

1. Constant Pressure to Perform

Success often brings a sense of needing to constantly prove yourself, even after achieving significant milestones. The pressure to perform at a high level can be overwhelming at work, home, or social settings. Personally, each time I received a promotion or salary increase, I felt this intense pressure that I needed to “up my game.” There was a need inside me to prove myself all over again. This endless pursuit of achievement drained my energy, leaving me physically and emotionally exhausted.

2. Perfectionism and High Expectations

Many successful women struggle with perfectionism, holding themselves to impossibly high standards and feeling like anything less than perfect is a failure. This mindset can prevent you from ever feeling satisfied with your achievements, driving you to work harder and longer while neglecting your well-being. Throughout my HR career, I often observed that high-achieving women frequently grappled with perfectionistic tendencies that prevented them from experiencing true satisfaction.

3. Lack of Boundaries

With success comes increased responsibility. You might feel obligated to say yes to every request, take on more projects, or be available 24/7. This can lead to a lack of boundaries between work and personal life. This constant availability can create stress and prevent you from recharging, making burnout inevitable. It was always hard for me to say “no” for fear of disappointing others.

4. Disconnection from Personal Fulfillment

Despite outward success, many women feel disconnected from what truly fulfills them. The focus on seeking external validation, such as career accomplishments or societal expectations, can lead to a sense of emptiness. When you align your work with internal values and passions, you are less likely to suffer from burnout, frustration, and a sense of purposelessness. It’s important to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” and “Does this fit into my bigger goals and plans?” Ideally, your work should align with your larger purpose in life.

5. Emotional Labor and Invisible Work

Many successful women experience additional stress from managing relationships, households, and careers, which often goes unacknowledged. Women frequently perform invisible work that goes unappreciated yet significantly contributes to burnout as they juggle multiple roles without proper support. It’s important to remember that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. When you seek support, it can significantly reduce your pressure to get everything done. If asking for help is difficult, start with small tasks that someone else can easily do. For me, it was asking my husband to cook dinner a few nights a week, and wow, what a difference that was. One important note—I didn’t criticize his cooking or complain ever about his choices. I couldn’t risk scaring him off, right?! And today, he cooks dinner almost every night, and it turns out he enjoys it. Who knew?

Four steps to fixing it

1. Identify your burnout triggers

Reflect on what aspects of your life are draining your energy. Write them down, go away for 24 hours, and revisit them later. Make sure you are clear that these are indeed what’s draining you.

2. Create space for recovery

If you’re not already doing this, schedule regular breaks or downtime to restore your mental and emotional energy. Find a quiet place for 15 minutes (yes, the bathroom with the door closed will work) and spend it doing something you enjoy. A crossword puzzle, reading a chapter in the latest book you’re reading, playing the NYT games, meditation, whatever you feel would give your mind a break from the daily pressures.

3. Reframe success

Redefine what success means—incorporate well-being and joy into your definition. Try to avoid slipping back into thinking about what success in the past has meant to you or what society has deemed success to be. Instead, think about success in terms of what would bring you inner peace, happiness, and a life you love. Your definition of happiness is uniquely yours.

4. Seek support

Find a coach or mentor to help you realign your life goals with personal fulfillment. It’s helpful to have an accountability partner when you’re going through change—especially because our brains will want to revert back to the way you’ve always done things, so that extra support becomes ever so important to stay on track.